Is squirting real? Can all vulva owners squirt? Is squirt pee? Where is the G-spot? What is the G-spot? Is it even REAL?
I get these questions all the time. And trust me, I’ve been there too. So let me dispel the myths, and get to the heart (or should I say, G-spot) of the matter. Ready to make a mess?
A quick Google search for ‘how to squirt’ will more than likely send you down hours of opinionated rabbit holes, pages of contradictory information, and unrealistic porn depictions of the pleasurable phenomena. While I don’t condone making orgasms, squirting, or other sexual ‘goals’ the purpose of sex, I get questions about squirting a lot, so I want to dispel the myths and give you the facts. While there is no hierarchy in sex (unless you’re playing with dominance and submission, and that’s a story for another day), squirting can be a very empowering, pleasurable, and fun experience for a lot of vulva owners. For me personally, squirting is my superpower – I’ll take squirting over an orgasm any day (who am I kidding, give me both). If you want to get to know your body in new ways, if you want to explore a new sensation with yourself or a partner, or you just like to learn, read on! Fair warning, things are going to get messy, so only read on if you don’t mind doing a bit of extra laundry.
Before we get to playtime, let’s talk science for a minute. A vagina produces two types of fluids. The first fluid is what we refer to when we talk about someone’s ‘wetness’ during sex. Leukorrhea is what lubricates the walls of the vagina. The other fluid gets released during squirting and is produced in the periurethral glands (also referred to as the Skene’s glands, or the female prostate). This watery, sweetish, clearish liquid gets expelled out the urethra when we squirt. That’s where the misconception about the fluid released when squirting is urine comes from. Sure, there may be trace amounts of urine that come out when you squirt because the fluid moves through the urethra where urine also travels through, but that is no reason to miss out on the pleasure of squirting. Another misconception is that squirting and vaginal orgasms are the same thing. Sure, an orgasm may coincide with squirting, but squirting can also happen totally independent of an orgasm. They are not one in the same. While squirting is not the same phenomena as an orgasm, the release can feel equally pleasurable. The gushing sensation can be pretty powerful, not just physically, but emotionally as well.
The Grafenburg spot (G-spot, although it’s more of an are so let’s agree to call it G-area from here on out) isn’t a magic bullet for pleasure, but it is a region within the vagina that’s full of nerve endings and playing with it can help get the water works flowing. So, where’s it at? With a couple of clean fingers, go ahead and place your thumb on your pubic bone, and reach into your vagina with your pointer and middle finger. Don’t go too far! There’s a time and place for deep penetration, but this ain’t that time. Only reach in as far as you can locate a spongy area that feels different in texture than the rest of your vagina. It’s a bit spongy, a bit coarse, and can even feel a tad bit ‘gritty.’ Pro tip for if you’re having a hard time finding it; be sure you’re plenty aroused before you go rooting around looking for it. The more aroused you are, the more blood floods into the G-area, making it a whole lot easier to locate. Might I suggest a nice orgasm to begin your exploration?
Once you’re aroused, engorged, and ready to explore, and you’ve found the spongy G-area zone, give it a bit of love. Some vulva owners prefer a ‘come hither’ motion in the direction of the belly button, but for me personally, it’s more of a firm upward pressure and release using two fingers. This is your permission slip to get creative. Try out different pressures, different types of touch, and make sure you’re using plenty of lube while doing so. The more aroused your G-area becomes, as you stroke and massage it, the more its texture will likely change. As blood circulation increases, the tissue will start to feel a bit like a walnut, bumpy and ridged.
Quick note, if you’re having a hard time locating your G-area while lying down, my favorite way in is by placing a nice firm pillow under my hips to rock my hips upward a bit. For some folks, they prefer being on hands and knees to find the sweet spot, and some folks prefer sitting. Experiment! Explore! See what works for you.
Now that you’ve located your lucious G-area, it’s go time. In order to stimulate the region intensely enough to cause your body to squirt, use a pretty firm pressure – firmer than you’d use on your clitoris. You’d be surprised how much pressure your G-area can take, so don’t be shy. Start slow and gentle, of course, to get your body comfortable, and then go to town with whatever pressure and movement works for you. Maybe it’s the pressure of your fingers, maybe you prefer the sensation of vibration from a curved dildo, or maybe you’d like a partner’s hands to help you out here. I always recommend learning new things on your own first, and then teaching your new sex skills to a partner, but I’ll never discourage you from consensual partnered exploration. You’ll start to feel a buildup of pressure in your tummy/pelvic region, and when it feels almost uncomfortable to keep your fingers inside, it can feel really nice to moan, groan, breathe out, relax, and pull your fingers out of your vagina to let your fluids fly.
Not to give you too much to think about while you’re learning to squirt, but I want to make sure you tune into your breath throughout this exploration process. It’s very important to take deep belly breaths here to keep your body nice and relaxed, and surrender to the sensation that builds within your pelvic region. It might feel like you need to pee, but that’s just the buildup of fluid that’s ready to be released. Trust your body, relax and let it flow. While many people need to ‘bear down’ with their core muscles to achieve an orgasm, to squirt it’s less of a ‘bearing down’ abdominal exercise, and more of a pushing out, surrendering, and relaxing of the tummy muscles that’ll help you out here. I think the single greatest limiting factor whenever exploring a new sexual activity is the mental blocks and judgments that can occur. You’re going to make a mess, and that’s okay. It’s better than okay, it’s sexy! So, embrace the mess, let your mind and body relax, and see what your body is capable of! If you try squirting once and aren’t able to, don’t fret! There’s nothing wrong with you, and in fact, every vulva owner has periurethral glands, so it’s just a matter of finding the location, pressure, and technique that your body prefers. It takes time to learn a new skill, and sex is no different. Practice makes pleasure.
One more tip that’s helped me a ton: While one hand is exploring internally, use the heel/palm of your other hand to ‘knead’ your low belly. Target the squishy bit beneath your belly button and above your vulva. It’s a pretty amazing feeling, you’ll actually start to feel the buildup of pressure and fluid that wants to be released. Pressing down and massaging this region while simultaneously stimulating my G-spot was the key that taught me how to squirt.
Once you’ve learned to squirt during solo sex, you can teach your partner(s) to help you get you there. The more ‘experienced’ you become at squirting, you may find you can do it in different positions, with different tools (squirting while riding a penis is my personal favorite).
If you’re having trouble learning to squirt and it’s something you’d like to explore, let’s chat! Book a sex coaching session with me and I am more than happy to help.
