Sex is fun. Sex is risky. Hopefully, if you’re having consensual sex with a partner you like, the reward is well worth the risk (and even more importantly, hopefully you are taking all the necessary risk reduction measures before jumping in bed with somebody). There are many ways to reduce your risk of contracting and spreading STIs, of course, and we’ll get to that in another blog, but this post is dedicated to the dreaded phone call from your doctor; ‘you’ve tested positive for ____.’
If you’ve found this post because you are navigating the murky positive STI status waters, let’s take a collective deep breath together. Soften your jaw, relax your shoulders, unclench your fists, and take the deepest breath you’ve taken all day. Now exhale even more slowly than you inhaled. I know ‘the call’ from the doctor can be scary, jarring, shameful, and confusing – I’ve been there. My hope with this post is to ease your concern and offer a step by step guide for what steps to take next, to take the guesswork out and empower you to take your health into your own hands. You GOT this. If you’ve stumbled across this post as more of an educational venture, good on you! Most of us were taught sex education through a very fear-based lens, and as a result are likely carrying around a lot of fear, shame, and uncertainty about STIs and what to do about them. Good on you for preparing yourself before you actually contract one, you’ll be better prepared to support yourself or a partner if the doctor does call with positive results at some point during your sexual life.
The moments, days, weeks, and even months after a positive STI status can be tumultuous, and are often a time of experiencing quite a bit of confusion, shame, disbelief, anger, and fear. That’s totally normal, don’t beat yourself up about it, but I want to ease your concerns and offer you support. There’s quite a bit of support and talk out there about STI prevention and testing, but once you’ve got one, what the f*ck is the next step to take?
1. Don’t panic.
Easier said than done, of course, but take care of yourself in whatever way is calming to you. If you need to put on your favorite song and dance it out, breathe along to your favorite meditation, take your rage out on a pillow, or watch a comedy and have a good laugh – DO IT. Your mental, emotional, and physical health are all inextricably linked, and minimizing our stress is essential for our body to fight off any bug. Take a moment for your mental and emotional well-being, and then move on to step 2.
2. Communicate with your doctor – Make a treatment plan.
Getting the treatment your body deserves is of utmost importance, so even though it may feel a bit daunting to face the reality of your STI, don’t let worry delay treatment. Untreated STIs can damage your nervous system, liver, and lead to infertility (among other woes). So get scheduled with a healthcare provider you trust to embark on a treatment plan that’s best for your situation. How to interact with your healthcare provider about sexual well-being is a blog post topic all on its own so I won’t go on a tangent here, but be sure to ask lots of questions: Is this infection curable or will I have it long-term? If curable, what’s my next step? If long-term, how can I manage symptoms to lead a healthy life? What does this mean for my sex life moving forward, does (do) my partner (s) need to seek treatment as well? What steps can I take to ensure I don’t spread this STI to others?
3. Communicate with your partner(s).
I know this can feel uncomfortable, but having sex with someone is just about the most intimate thing we can do with another human, so if you share a bed with someone, you should be able to share your STI results with someone. Period. The best way to feel empowered and confident going into one of these conversations is to be sure you are educated on the topic, which brings me back to step 1. Talk to your doctor, educate yourself, so you can approach the conversation feeling knowledgeable and confident. If the idea makes you cringe, check out this video from Planned Parenthood for advice on approaching the topic: How to Share Results. If you need more support, don’t hesitate to reach out. I am a sex coach, and am happy to help you prepare yourself for the conversation. Make sure to notify your current partner, as well as any you’ve had over at least the last three months, maybe even a year, depending on what you’ve contracted and on the basis of advice from your doctor. Sharing the information may feel challenging, but it’s important to put yourself in their shoes. You would want to know if you contracted an STI so you could care for your own body, so be sure to extend the same honesty and transparency to people you have been intimate with. Many STIs have delayed symptoms or even no symptoms, so don’t assume your partners will automatically get tested based on symptomatology.
4. Prioritize your health – Reduce stress and take care of YOU.
Your immune system functions best when you reduce avoidable stress and manage unavoidable stress in your life, so be sure you’re taking action to prioritize your mental, emotional, and physical well-being. Nobody wants to contract an STI, but if there is a silver lining to the situation, it is an opportunity for more self-care. Make sure you are getting plenty of sleep and rest, make sure you’re eating plenty of nutritious food, move your body in a way that you enjoy, and get support with the emotional and mental toll the diagnosis can cause. I am happy to be that support system for you, and you can head to the scheduling link on my site to book a session with me.
5. Test, test some more, and use prevention.
After you’ve undergone your treatment, it’s a good idea to get re-tested to be sure the treatment was effective. Talk to your doctor about appropriate testing timeframes. Getting re-tested will give you peace of mind, it will ensure you’re not re-infected, and it will lower the risk of inadvertently spreading the infection to someone new. The most important ways to limit your risk of STIs in the future is to get tested often, share STI status with new partners BEFORE sex (I’m not just talking penetration here. It’s important to know someone’s STI status before fingers, mouths, or genitals come into contact with your genitals!), use protection (condoms and dental dams), and get tested some more.
Remember, pleasure takes practice. Along your journey to practice pleasure, and make sex a priority in your life, there are risks involved. You can take all the preventative measures and still contract an STI. If that happens, I am here. Schedule an appointment today if you’re struggling with any of the above steps and let me support you along your pleasure journey.
