Betty Dodson is an icon. Her brave work as a sex educator and activist paved the way for sexologists everywhere, including myself. She launched the single greatest female sexual empowerment movement that impacts the way we have sex today. She encouraged women to learn about their bodies, ask for what they want, and collaborate in bed with partners (instead of performing in bed). She taught women to love and appreciate their quirks, embody their pleasure, speak up, and take ownership of their bodies. At a time in history when body autonomy is in question, her teachings are more important than ever. Betty is a shining example of fearlessness and bravery, qualities I wish for myself and all my readers. Ms. Dodson embodied empowered sexuality, and paved the way for us all to do the same. Let us live in her footsteps, and embrace a powerful life full of pleasure, because pleasure is power. That being said, pleasure also takes work. Betty emphasized the importance of practice; good sex isn’t inherent. We aren’t born knowing how to please ourselves, or how to please a partner, we must learn these skills. The best way to practice? Masturbate.
‘The most consistent sex will be the love affair you have with yourself. Masturbation will get you through childhood, puberty, romance, marriage, and divorce, and it will see you through old age.’ I couldn’t agree more, and I want to shout these words from mountaintops, but growing up in Kansas in the 1930s, Betty Anne Dodson (BAD for short, and because she was a badass) didn’t always receive the adoration and respect she now does in death. We lost her in 2020, but her impact on female sexuality and empowerment live on forever. If you’ve ever had the pleasure of using a Hitachi Magic Wand (or one of the many delightful offshoots from it), you owe at least a bit of your pleasure, and hopefully many orgasms, to this remarkable woman. Betty said it best; ‘better orgasms, better world,’ and I couldn’t agree more.
Betty was born in Kansas in 1929. She was a firecracker from birth, and grew up joining in on all her brothers’ adventures. It was the rowdy roughhousing that led her to develop strong muscles and ‘my sense of entitlement as I got older’ (remarks from Sex by Design: The Betty Dodson Story – I highly recommend it). Her first experience with sexuality was non consensual, and it happened when a family friend stuck his hand down her pants in the ninth grade. She didn’t speak up at the time, feeling she was somehow complicit, however when the same man assaulted her best friend, she threatened to stab him with a kitchen knife. Thus began her journey as a sexual force to be reckoned with.
Ms. Dodson left Kansas to pursue her artistic dreams in New York City at age 20, where she married and divorced a man (due to sexual mismatch, among other relationship woes), tried her hand at erotic art for lingerie companies, and started a sexual revolution. While attending a support group for recovering alcoholics (her first marriage really took a toll on her), Betty met a man who encouraged her to try out self pleasure. She took him up on the offer, and began exploring her own body for the first time. It was this acceptance of herself and this journey of sexual exploration that changed the course of her life, and the lives of women worldwide. This blog would be incomplete without acknowledging the unsung hero, the loving man in Dodson’s life who encouraged her to explore her sexuality. Thank you, sir. The two love birds maintained a sexual connection until his death in 2008. The two never married, because she was a sexual free spirit, a ‘heterosexual bisexual lesbian,’ as she proudly called herself.
When Ms. Dodson’s art career took a dip, her life’s calling really came to life. Betty began hosting ‘genital show and tell,’ nights, followed by masturbation demonstrations and practice sessions with vibrators, in her apartment. Though at the time many thought Ms. Dodson’s evenings were scandalous and preposterous, ladies who attended left feeling seen, appreciated, respected, turned on, educated, and empowered. The events highlighted that the vagina and the vulva are not the same thing, that all vulvas are different, unique, and beautiful, and that pleasure is power. Her sexy nights weren’t limited to these female-only consciousness raising events, she also attended and hosted quite a few sex parties in her day. Saucy minx! She noted that all sex parties followed the same format; women performed their orgasms so as not to damage the mens’ egos, the men stayed in the living room after sex took place to discuss sports and stocks, while the women looked over Betty’s sex toy collection in awe and disbelief. Ms. Dodson caused quite a stir wherever she went, and at the time many second-wave feminists touted her work as pornographic. Although, when Betty attended the National Organization for Women conference, which was heavily attended by feminists who disagreed with her teachings, they very quickly bought up her supply of vibrators.
During the 1960s and 70s, Dodson’s workshops heated up, literally. The first vibrators she used for the genital show and tell nights were scalp massagers. The vibrations they delivered were effective, however the handles got so hot that women had to hold them with pot holders. Temperature hot, not erotic hot. When Betty discovered the Hitachi Magic Wand, or the Cadillac of vibrators, as she lovingly referred to it, she never looked back. Though many companies sent her toy samples (testing is a tough job but someone’s gotta do it!) and begged for her endorsement over the years, her loyalty to the Wand never wavered. Nowadays, most sex toys are sleek, discreet, and quite beautiful, but the Wand’s old fashioned design is iconic. Its classic design isn’t going anywhere, but the name has since changed to the Magic Wand Original, due to controversy about the product being used as a sex toy.
If you’d like a taste of what went on during Betty’s workshops (they came to be known as the Betty Dodson Method), here’s a guide to get you started for your own night of pleasure. Of course, no one taught it like she did, and I zhuzhed it up with some extras, so this doesn’t accurately depict her evenings, but it’ll be pleasurable nonetheless:
1. Prepare Your Space
Cozy up in front of a large mirror. If you don’t have a large mirror, a small handheld one will do the trick! Gather some pillows, a soft blankie, put on some nice music, maybe light a yummy smelling candle, you get the vibe. Make sure you have a small towel handy, like a washcloth.
2. Charge your wand.
No seriously, there’s nothing worse than setting aside time to masturbate, get all settled in, then discover it’s not charged. For wand brands, Betty preferred the original – and it’s a great option – but these days there are numerous brands that have their very own version of the wand. I tend to lean toward Le Wand, because I find them to be equally as satisfying as the original, but they come in the cutest styles. Mine is covered in unicorns and rainbows. It’s my favorite toy for solo and partnered play.
3. Undress
This is where the mirror is important. If using a handheld mirror, hold it up to your vulva and take a peek! If you’re in front of a big mirror, you have two hands free for exploration. If this is the first time you’ve ever looked at your vulva, congrats! This is a huge step! Give yourself grace, give yourself compassion, this isn’t an easy process so be gentle with any negative self talk that arises. Let your fingers glide over your labia, find your clitoris, maybe even explore the opening of your vagina. Notice the way the color changes as you embark on different types of touch, and I always recommend using lube for any sex act so reapply as you wish. If the idea of looking at your genitals scares you, or if challenging emotions arise that you weren’t expecting, I’m here for you! Book a coaching session and I can help you.
4. It’s Party Time
Now that you’ve gotten to know her, it’s time to give your vulva the attention, and vibration, she deserves. First, place your small towel over your vulva. Now, as you try out different settings and intensities of your wand on your vulva, through the towel, the vibrations will be dispersed over a greater surface area. This technique that Betty developed also helps to dampen the overall intensity slightly, so your clitoris doesn’t get overstimulated. Everyone prefers a different level of intensity, so play with all the levels, and have fun with it.
5. Take it from Betty
“Join me in validating masturbation as a primary form of sexual expression…Masturbation is a way for all of us to learn about sexual response. It’s an opportunity for us to explore our bodies and minds for all those sexual secrets we’ve been taught to hide, even from ourselves. What better way to learn about pleasure and being sexually creative? We don’t have to perform or meet anyone else’s standards, to satisfy the needs of a partner, or to fear criticism or rejection for failure. Sexual skills are like any other skills; they’re not magically inherited, they have to be learned.” -Sex for One: The Joy of Selfloving.
If any of the above steps are daunting, or you run into mental roadblocks that inhibit your capacity for pleasure, I got you. Schedule a coaching call today!
